"All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last. " ~~ Marcel Proust
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. " ~~ Phyllis Diller
"Television has raised writing to a new low." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen
"I was so self-conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me." ~~ Jackie Mason
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. " ~~ George Burns
"Laughter is an instant vacation. " ~~ Milton Berle
"If youth knew; if age could. " ~~ Sigmund Freud
"If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. " ~~ Milton Berle
"I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock. " ~~ Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. " ~~ Groucho Marx
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