"A convert is regarded as an infant new-born. " ~~ Talmud, Yevamot
"A pretty daughter is worth half the dowry." ~~ Shalom Aleichem
"When you teach your son, use a carefully edited text. " ~~ Talmud, Pesachim
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. " ~~ Lenny Bruce
"Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant — even if they wanted to be one?" ~~ Jackie Mason
"Who circumcises his son is as though he offered all the sacrifices to the Lord." ~~ Zohar, Genesis
"The talk of the child in the street is that of his father or mother at home." ~~ Talmud, Sotah
"The child honors his mother more than his father because his mother affects him by her words—so God set the honoring of the father before the honoring of the mother; and the child fears his father more than his mother, because it is the father who teaches him Torah—so God set the fearing of the mother before the fearing of the father." ~~ Talmud, Kiddushin 31a
"You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"The hearts of the parents will return though their children." ~~ Malachi 3:24
"Our sages recommended that a father should spend less than his means on food, up to his means on dress, and beyond his means for his wife and children." ~~ Maimonides