"A good man doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut." ~~ Roseanne Barr
"Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before. " ~~ Art Buchwald
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. " ~~ George Burns
"Vote for the man who promises the least; he”ll be the least disappointing. " ~~ Bernard Baruch
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Success to me is having ten honeydew melons, and eating only the top half of each one." ~~ Barbra Streisand
"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think." ~~ Milton Berle
"Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. " ~~ Bette Midler
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