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"If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. " ~~ Milton Berle

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Filed Under: Business and Money, Humor, Milton Berle

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"I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock. " ~~ Henny Youngman

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Filed Under: Business and Money, Death, Henny Youngman, Humor



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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. " ~~ Henry Youngman

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Filed Under: Books, Food and Drink, Health and Medicine, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV." ~~ Jerry Seinfeld

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Filed Under: Humor, Jerry Seinfeld

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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. " ~~ Groucho Marx

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Filed Under: Government, Groucho Marx, Humor



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"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. " ~~ Henry Kissinger

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Filed Under: Education, Government, Henry Kissinger, Humor

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"It is more profitable for your Congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. " ~~ Jackie Mason

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Filed Under: Government, Health and Medicine, Humor, Jackie Mason

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"If I could drop dead right now, I”d be the happiest man alive. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn

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Filed Under: Humor, Life, Samuel Goldwyn

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"Surrounding yourself with dwarfs does not make you a giant." ~~ Yiddish Proverb

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Filed Under: Humor, Wisdom, Yiddish Proverb

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"If God lived on earth, people would break his windows." ~~ Traditional Proverb

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Filed Under: Humor, Traditional Proverb, Wisdom

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"You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone." ~~ Phyllis Diller

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Filed Under: Humor, Lashon Harah/Gossip, Phyllis Diller

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"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Death, Humor, Woody Allen

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