Humor Archives - Jewish Quotations

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"No man can consider himself truly married until he understands every word his wife is not saying." ~~ Lord Mancroft

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"If youth knew; if age could. " ~~ Sigmund Freud

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"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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"Let’s have some new cliches." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn

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"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. " ~~ Sam Levenson

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"What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth. " ~~ Traditional Proverb

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"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it. " ~~ Danny Kaye

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"I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. " ~~ Woody Allen

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"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen

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"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. " ~~ Albert Einstein

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"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." ~~ Groucho Marx