"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." ~~ Groucho Marx
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce." ~~ Groucho Marx
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others." ~~ Groucho Marx
"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Time wounds all heels. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"There is only one way to find out if a man is honest—ask him. If he says “yes,” you know he’s crooked." ~~ Groucho Marx