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"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Golden Years, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Humor, Sin and Repentance



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"If at first you don’t succeed… So much for skydiving. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Business and Money, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Health and Medicine, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Books, Food and Drink, Health and Medicine, Henry Youngman, Humor



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"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Humor, Marriage

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"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Home and Family, Humor, Marriage

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Humor, Marriage

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