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"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. " ~~ Oscar Levant

Filed Under: Humor, Oscar Levant

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"You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." ~~ Henny Youngman

Filed Under: Henny Youngman, Humor, Love



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"When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say." ~~ Henny Youngman

Filed Under: Henny Youngman, Humor

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"Your anger can be 49% and your comedy 51 %, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51%, the comedy is gone." ~~ Joan Rivers

Filed Under: Humor, Joan Rivers

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"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." ~~ Woody Allen

Filed Under: Education, Humor, Science, Woody Allen



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"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from." ~~ Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Filed Under: Andrew S. Tanenbaum, Humor, Wisdom

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"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. " ~~ Milton Berle

Filed Under: Business and Money, Humor, Milton Berle

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"The hardest thing in the world to understand, is income tax." ~~ Albert Einstein

Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Business and Money, Government, Humor

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"You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made. " ~~ George Burns

Filed Under: George Burns, Humor, Truth

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"The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. " ~~ Bette Midler

Filed Under: Bette Midler, Business and Money, Humor

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"Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we’ll take up, and the more we’ll have to be reckoned with. " ~~ Roseanne Barr

Filed Under: Health and Medicine, Humor, Roseanne Barr, Women

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"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. " ~~ Phyllis Diller

Filed Under: Humor, Phyllis Diller

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