"There are really only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say, “What happened?” " ~~ Ann Landers
"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending." ~~ Neil Simon
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"He who limps is still walking. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"You’ve got to take the bitter with the sour. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"One thing about being successful is that I stopped being afraid of dying. Once you’re a star you’re dead already. You’re embalmed." ~~ Dustin Hoffman
"A Hospital is no place to be sick. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. " ~~ Dr. Joyce Brothers
"I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they”ve come up with so far. " ~~ Neil Simon
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. " ~~ Sam Levenson