"Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." ~~ Groucho Marx
"We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children. " ~~ Sam Levenson
"I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job." ~~ Roseanne Barr
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard." ~~ Phyllis Diller
"Rejoice not at thine enemy’s fall – but don’t rush to pick him up either. " ~~ Traditional Proverb
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. " ~~ Albert Einstein
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