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"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Children, Food and Drink, Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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"Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. " ~~ Oscar Levant

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Filed Under: Health and Medicine, Humor, Oscar Levant



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"If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. " ~~ Albert Einstein

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Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Humor, Science, Truth

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"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. " ~~ Groucho Marx

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Filed Under: Groucho Marx, Humor, Marriage

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"Children ask better questions than adults. “May I have a cookie?” “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?” are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than “Where’s your manuscript?” Why haven’t you called?” and “Who’s your lawyer?” " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Children, Fran Lebowitz, Humor



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"I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. " ~~ Bette Midler

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Filed Under: Bette Midler, Humor, Wisdom

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"When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. " ~~ Henry Youngman

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Filed Under: Health and Medicine, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"Writing a book is not as tough as it is to haul thirty-five people around the country and sweat like a horse five nights a week." ~~ Bette Midler

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Filed Under: Bette Midler, Books, Humor

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"Communism is like one big phone company. " ~~ Lenny Bruce

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Filed Under: Government, Humor, Lenny Bruce

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"I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity. " ~~ Bette Midler

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Filed Under: Bette Midler, Humor, Women

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"All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last. " ~~ Marcel Proust

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Filed Under: Humor, Marcel Proust

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"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. " ~~ Lenny Bruce

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Filed Under: Children, Humor, Lenny Bruce

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