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"There’s nothing funny about flying to Houston." ~~ Albert Brooks

Filed Under: Albert Brooks, Humor

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"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat." ~~ Ann Landers

Filed Under: Ann Landers, Business and Money, Humor



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"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield

Filed Under: Health and Medicine, Humor, Rodney Dangerfield

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"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books. " ~~ Alan King

Filed Under: Alan King, Humor, Love, Marriage

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"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. " ~~ Mel Brooks

Filed Under: Humor, Mel Brooks



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"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

Filed Under: Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. " ~~ Oscar Levant

Filed Under: Government, Humor, Oscar Levant

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"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx

Filed Under: Children, Groucho Marx, Humor, Parents

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"Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty. Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage. " ~~ Talmud, Gittin

Filed Under: Food and Drink, Humor, Talmud, Gittin

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"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. " ~~ Lenny Bruce

Filed Under: Children, Humor, Lenny Bruce

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"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

Filed Under: Fran Lebowitz, Health and Medicine, Humor, Wisdom

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"From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash." ~~ Sophie Tucker

Filed Under: Humor, Sophie Tucker, Women

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