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"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. " ~~ Albert Einstein

Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Humor, Wisdom

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"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. " ~~ Woody Allen

Filed Under: Death, Humor, Woody Allen



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"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce." ~~ Groucho Marx

Filed Under: Groucho Marx, Humor, Marriage

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"You’ve got to take the bitter with the sour. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn

Filed Under: Food and Drink, Humor, Samuel Goldwyn, Wisdom

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"If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Humor, Sin and Repentance



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"My biggest nightmare is I’m driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: ‘Please help me.’ And the people say: ‘Hey, you look like…’ And I’m dying while they’re wondering whether I’m Barbra Streisand. " ~~ Barbra Streisand

Filed Under: Barbra Streisand, Health and Medicine, Humor

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"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one’s living at it. " ~~ Albert Einstein

Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Business and Money, Humor, Science

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"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

Filed Under: Books, Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. " ~~ Benjamin Disraeli

Filed Under: Benjamin Disraeli, Government, Humor, Sin and Repentance

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"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. " ~~ Albert Einstein

Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Humor, Science

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"I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. " ~~ Jackie Mason

Filed Under: Humor, Jackie Mason

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"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. " ~~ Jack Benny

Filed Under: Humor, Jack Benny

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