"Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Children ask better questions than adults. “May I have a cookie?” “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?” are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than “Where’s your manuscript?” Why haven’t you called?” and “Who’s your lawyer?” " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. " ~~ Bette Midler
"When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Writing a book is not as tough as it is to haul thirty-five people around the country and sweat like a horse five nights a week." ~~ Bette Midler
"Communism is like one big phone company. " ~~ Lenny Bruce
"I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity. " ~~ Bette Midler
"All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last. " ~~ Marcel Proust
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. " ~~ Lenny Bruce
"Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word “collectible” as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
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