"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run." ~~ Phyllis Diller
"If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"A politician is someone who will double-cross that bridge when he comes to it." ~~ Oscar Levant
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it’s their fault. " ~~ Henry Kissinger
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. " ~~ Rod Serling
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. " ~~ Milton Berle
"He who limps is still walking. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." ~~ Henny Youngman
"If you want to catch trout, don’t fish in a herring barrel. " ~~ Ann Landers
"Time wounds all heels. " ~~ Groucho Marx
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