"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Success to me is having ten honeydew melons, and eating only the top half of each one." ~~ Barbra Streisand
"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think." ~~ Milton Berle
"Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. " ~~ Bette Midler
"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. " ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
"There’s nothing funny about flying to Houston." ~~ Albert Brooks
"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat." ~~ Ann Landers
"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
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