"If you want to catch trout, don’t fish in a herring barrel. " ~~ Ann Landers
"It’s always something. . ." ~~ Gilda Radner
"Remember-you can’t beam through a force field. So, don’t try it. " ~~ William Shatner
"A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it." ~~ Israel Zangwill
"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. " ~~ Mel Brooks
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’" ~~ Henny Youngman
"If at first you don’t succeed… So much for skydiving. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"My grandfather always said, ‘Don’t watch your money; watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. " ~~ Jackie Mason
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