"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity. " ~~ Bette Midler
"A politician is someone who will double-cross that bridge when he comes to it." ~~ Oscar Levant
"Vote for the man who promises the least; he”ll be the least disappointing. " ~~ Bernard Baruch
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. " ~~ Woody Allen
"She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Most often, the man who becomes leader is not the one that knows the way but the one who behaves as if he does. " ~~ Shim’oni
"Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. " ~~ George Burns
"Life is just a bowl of pits. " ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back." ~~ Henny Youngman
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