"Not the cardplayer pays the penalty but only the man who knows not how to play, yet does." ~~ Yiddish Proverb
"If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it. " ~~ Danny Kaye
"Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks." ~~ Ruth Westheimer
"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"The meaning of life is that it stops." ~~ Franz Kafka
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