"I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing. " ~~ Bette Midler
"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. " ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
"There’s nothing funny about flying to Houston." ~~ Albert Brooks
"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat." ~~ Ann Landers
"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books. " ~~ Alan King
"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. " ~~ Mel Brooks
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty. Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage. " ~~ Talmud, Gittin
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. " ~~ Lenny Bruce
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