"There is only one way to find out if a man is honest—ask him. If he says “yes,” you know he’s crooked." ~~ Groucho Marx
"I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn’t like it. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"My biggest nightmare is I’m driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: ‘Please help me.’ And the people say: ‘Hey, you look like…’ And I’m dying while they’re wondering whether I’m Barbra Streisand. " ~~ Barbra Streisand
"Let’s have some new cliches." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"My favorite animal is steak. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. " ~~ Oscar Levant
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