"Remember-you can’t beam through a force field. So, don’t try it. " ~~ William Shatner
"A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it." ~~ Israel Zangwill
"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. " ~~ Mel Brooks
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’" ~~ Henny Youngman
"If at first you don’t succeed… So much for skydiving. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"My grandfather always said, ‘Don’t watch your money; watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I”d still have to say it. " ~~ George Burns
"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy. " ~~ Neil Simon
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- …
- 21
- Next Page »