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"Remember-you can’t beam through a force field. So, don’t try it. " ~~ William Shatner

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Filed Under: Humor, Science, William Shatner

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"A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it." ~~ Israel Zangwill

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Filed Under: Humor, Israel Zangwill, Marriage



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"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. " ~~ Mel Brooks

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Filed Under: Humor, Mel Brooks

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"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Education, Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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"Food is an important part of a balanced diet. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Food and Drink, Fran Lebowitz, Health and Medicine, Humor



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"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Death, Humor, Woody Allen

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"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’" ~~ Henny Youngman

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"If at first you don’t succeed… So much for skydiving. " ~~ Henry Youngman

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Filed Under: Business and Money, Henry Youngman, Humor

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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. " ~~ Albert Einstein

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Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Humor, Science, Wisdom

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"My grandfather always said, ‘Don’t watch your money; watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. " ~~ Jackie Mason

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Filed Under: Business and Money, Health and Medicine, Humor, Jackie Mason

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"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I”d still have to say it. " ~~ George Burns

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Filed Under: George Burns, Golden Years, Humor

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"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy. " ~~ Neil Simon

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Filed Under: Education, Humor, Neil Simon

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