"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it. " ~~ Danny Kaye
"The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV." ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
"As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. " ~~ Buddy Hackett
"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. " ~~ George Burns
"Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"Poverty is not a disgrace, but it’s terribly inconvenient." ~~ Milton Berle
"Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. " ~~ Mel Brooks
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