"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest." ~~ Rodney Dangerfield
"The fixity of a habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity. " ~~ Marcel Proust
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." ~~ Woody Allen
"From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash." ~~ Sophie Tucker
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to accept God’s final decision on where your lips end." ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT”S relativity. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. " ~~ Mel Brooks
"We have to believe in free-will. We’ve got no choice. " ~~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
"If you want to catch trout, don’t fish in a herring barrel. " ~~ Ann Landers
"It’s always something. . ." ~~ Gilda Radner
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