"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. " ~~ Henry Kissinger
"It is more profitable for your Congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"Surrounding yourself with dwarfs does not make you a giant." ~~ Yiddish Proverb
"If God lived on earth, people would break his windows." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. " ~~ Phyllis Diller
"Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much. " ~~ Buddy Hackett
"I never think of the future – it comes soon enough. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. " ~~ Phyllis Diller
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. " ~~ George Burns
"Assumptions are the termites of relationships." ~~ Henry Winkler
"Success to me is having ten honeydew melons, and eating only the top half of each one." ~~ Barbra Streisand
"I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. " ~~ Groucho Marx
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