"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen
"I was so self-conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me." ~~ Jackie Mason
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. " ~~ George Burns
"Laughter is an instant vacation. " ~~ Milton Berle
"If youth knew; if age could. " ~~ Sigmund Freud
"If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. " ~~ Milton Berle
"I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock. " ~~ Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. " ~~ Henry Kissinger
"It is more profitable for your Congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"Surrounding yourself with dwarfs does not make you a giant." ~~ Yiddish Proverb
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 13
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- …
- 21
- Next Page »