"He who limps is still walking. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"A Hospital is no place to be sick. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. " ~~ Dr. Joyce Brothers
"I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they”ve come up with so far. " ~~ Neil Simon
"What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth. " ~~ Traditional Proverb
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." ~~ Henny Youngman
"When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say." ~~ Henny Youngman
"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Your anger can be 49% and your comedy 51 %, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51%, the comedy is gone." ~~ Joan Rivers