"The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV." ~~ Jerry Seinfeld
"As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. " ~~ Buddy Hackett
"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. " ~~ George Burns
"Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"Poverty is not a disgrace, but it’s terribly inconvenient." ~~ Milton Berle
"Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. " ~~ Mel Brooks
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen
"No man can consider himself truly married until he understands every word his wife is not saying." ~~ Lord Mancroft
"By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it. " ~~ George Burns
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