"Comedy is very controlling – you are making people laugh. It is there in the phrase ‘making people laugh.’ You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused. " ~~ Gilda Radner
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Too many captains will sink a ship." ~~ Talmud
"I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"A curse? You should have a lot of money, but you should be the only one in your family with it." ~~ Ernst Lubitsch
"I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. " ~~ Woody Allen
"There are really only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say, “What happened?” " ~~ Ann Landers
"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending." ~~ Neil Simon
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"A Hospital is no place to be sick. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. " ~~ Dr. Joyce Brothers