"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"Television has raised writing to a new low." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen
"My grandfather always said, ‘Don’t watch your money; watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look. " ~~ Woody Allen
"When I die, if the word ‘thong’ appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I’ve screwed up." ~~ Albert Brooks
"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him your plans." ~~ Yiddish Proverb
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