"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. " ~~ Jack Benny
"Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money. " ~~ Arthur Miller
"I was so self-conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me." ~~ Jackie Mason
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it. " ~~ Art Buchwald
"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"Television has raised writing to a new low." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen
- 1
- 2
- 3
- …
- 21
- Next Page »