"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back." ~~ Henny Youngman
"Who is rich? Who has a wife lovely in her deeds." ~~ Talmud, Shabbat
"I never call my wife “wife”: I call her “home”—for it is she who makes my home." ~~ [adapted from] Talmud, Shabbat 118b
"If you are twenty and still celibate, you will be thinking of sin all your days." ~~ Talmud, Kiddushin
"A wifeless man exists without joy, without blessing or boon." ~~ Talmud Yerushalmi, Yevamot
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~~ Billy Crystal
"A husband should be at pains to treat his wife with respect (…not to hurt his wife’s feelings)." ~~ Talmud, Bava Metzia
"When a man who has been previously married marries a woman who has been previously married, four people go to bed. " ~~ Talmud, Pesachim
"Three things have charm: a place to its residents, a woman to her husband, a bargain to its customer, and some say, also, the Torah to its students." ~~ Talmud, Sota
"No man can enjoy full happiness save with his wife and children." ~~ Isaac Abravanel
"If a man and wife are worthy, the Divine Presence is with them; if unworthy, fire consumes them." ~~ Talmud, Sota
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce." ~~ Groucho Marx
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