"Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. " ~~ Oscar Levant
"Television has raised writing to a new low." ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen
"My grandfather always said, ‘Don’t watch your money; watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look. " ~~ Woody Allen
"When I die, if the word ‘thong’ appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I’ve screwed up." ~~ Albert Brooks
"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him your plans." ~~ Yiddish Proverb
"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
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