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"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. " ~~ Jack Benny

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Filed Under: Humor, Jack Benny

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"I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job." ~~ Roseanne Barr

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Filed Under: Children, Humor, Parents, Roseanne Barr



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"It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. " ~~ Jerry Seinfeld

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Filed Under: Humor, Jerry Seinfeld

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"I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Humor, Science, Woody Allen

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"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Children, Fran Lebowitz, Humor



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"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch. " ~~ Gilda Radner

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Filed Under: Gilda Radner, Humor, Women

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"Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others." ~~ Groucho Marx

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Filed Under: Groucho Marx, Humor, Wisdom

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"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one’s living at it. " ~~ Albert Einstein

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Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Business and Money, Humor, Science

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"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." ~~ Traditional Proverb

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Filed Under: Humor, Life, Traditional Proverb

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"Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house. " ~~ Traditional Proverb

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Filed Under: Humor, Traditional Proverb, Wisdom

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"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

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Filed Under: Books, Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard." ~~ Phyllis Diller

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Filed Under: Humor, Phyllis Diller, Women

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