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"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. " ~~ Joan Rivers

Filed Under: Humor, Joan Rivers

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. " ~~ Albert Einstein

Filed Under: Albert Einstein, Humor



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"Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run." ~~ Phyllis Diller

Filed Under: Humor, Phyllis Diller, Women

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"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. " ~~ Woody Allen

Filed Under: Faith, Humor, Woody Allen

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"I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team. " ~~ Art Buchwald

Filed Under: Art Buchwald, Government, Humor



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"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. " ~~ Groucho Marx

Filed Under: Groucho Marx, Humor

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"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. " ~~ Groucho Marx

Filed Under: Groucho Marx, Humor

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"Comedy is very controlling – you are making people laugh. It is there in the phrase ‘making people laugh.’ You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused. " ~~ Gilda Radner

Filed Under: Gilda Radner, Humor

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"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. " ~~ Henry Youngman

Filed Under: Henry Youngman, Home and Family, Humor, Marriage

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"Too many captains will sink a ship." ~~ Talmud

Filed Under: Government, Humor, Talmud, Wisdom

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"I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn

Filed Under: Business and Money, Humor, Samuel Goldwyn

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"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz

Filed Under: Children, Fran Lebowitz, Humor

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