"I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job." ~~ Roseanne Barr
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Live well. It is the greatest revenge." ~~ Traditional Proverb
"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard." ~~ Phyllis Diller
"Rejoice not at thine enemy’s fall – but don’t rush to pick him up either. " ~~ Traditional Proverb
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"My favorite animal is steak. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Vote for the man who promises the least; he”ll be the least disappointing. " ~~ Bernard Baruch
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. " ~~ Woody Allen
"She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Most often, the man who becomes leader is not the one that knows the way but the one who behaves as if he does. " ~~ Shim’oni
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