"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. " ~~ Woody Allen
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." ~~ Woody Allen
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." ~~ Woody Allen
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen