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"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Humor, Science, Woody Allen

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"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Faith, Humor, Woody Allen



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"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Humor, Sin and Repentance, Woody Allen

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"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Education, Humor, Science, Woody Allen

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"Eighty percent of success is showing up." ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Business and Money, Humor, Woody Allen



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"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Death, Humor, Woody Allen

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"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: History, Humor, Woody Allen

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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen

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Filed Under: Humor, Life, Woody Allen

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