"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." ~~ Groucho Marx
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. " ~~ Groucho Marx