"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." ~~ Groucho Marx
"She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. " ~~ Groucho Marx
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. " ~~ Groucho Marx