"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. " ~~ Woody Allen
"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." ~~ Woody Allen
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. " ~~ Woody Allen
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. " ~~ Woody Allen