"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. " ~~ Woody Allen
"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. " ~~ Woody Allen
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. " ~~ Woody Allen
"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered? " ~~ Woody Allen
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." ~~ Woody Allen
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. " ~~ Woody Allen