"Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word “collectible” as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"My favorite animal is steak. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz